What is the role of emotions in our lives? I’ve been obsessed with this question because I’ve seen too many people (including me) blow up our lives because our emotions were out of whack. Emotions too big. Or too small. Run-away train. Bottled then boom. Loved ones wondering where we are because we feel nothing. A seemingly small thing that triggers a huge reaction. Over-spiritualized emotionlessness. Decisions that “felt” right at the time that obviously weren’t in retrospect.
Some say emotion is the enemy. Emotional = weakness. Strength through steadiness. Suppress. Don’t listen to your emotions. Be cold, objective, and strategic.
Others say to always trust your emotions. If it don’t feel good, it ain’t good. We can’t be too in touch with our feelings. It’s part of who we are, and we’d be dumb to ignore it. God gave us our gut to make decisions, so use it.
Both views above sound kinda right, but are so very wrong.
I believe God perfectly made us emotional beings.
I wouldn’t say Jesus is “emotional,” but Jesus experienced a full range of emotions intensely:
- He felt sadness and grief when he wept for his friend Lazarus.
- He wept over Jerusalem. He felt overwhelmed with sorrow the night in the Garden of Gethsemane.
- He felt anger at the Pharisees’ hard-heartedness as he healed a man’s hand and at the money changers in the temple.
- He felt compassion on the crowds, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
- He felt distress and anguish (anxiety?) on the night before his betrayal, even sweating blood.
- He felt joy.1
Though he was steadfast, he wasn’t robotic or stoic. He felt things deeply. The one that gets me is the infamous shortest verse in the bible, “Jesus wept.” He wept because his friend Laz had died even though Jesus was about to heal him. Why “waste” tears on a guy who’s not gonna be dead in an hour?
God also expresses sorrow, joy, anger, and love. He was deeply troubled in Genesis 6 and grieved in Psalms 78 at how sinful humans are. He felt righteous anger and jealousy as His people worshipped gods above Him. He also delights in His children, even rejoicing over us with singing in Zephaniah. He has compassion on those who fear him “as a father has compassion on his children.”
We don’t exactly know how God’s divine emotions are different from ours. But we do know that we are made in God’s image and He chose to design us with emotion. It’s part of what makes us human. God gave us emotions very intentionally — I believe it boils down to 4 primary purposes — the 4 Gs: emotions as gauge, growth, glue, and galvanizer.
GAUGE: Our emotions reveal how we’re really doing
Have you ever had anger “come out of nowhere?” Or, you start crying for no apparent reason? Or had someone you love say one errant word… or do something small (e.g. a dirty dish left in the sink) and it created a massive, disproportionate reaction in you? Small things can lead to massive emotions (and often toxic patterns thereafter); I’ve come to see these emotions as a “check engine light” gauge for our soul. Maybe God gives us these emotions as a gift to reveal to us where we need to grow. This is why I now see triggers as a blessing.
So often, we encounter something in our life that makes us [insert emotion here] and that emotion ramps up unexpectedly because it triggers something in our past. It’s too familiar. With deceptively tricky hearts (we’re so good at burying stuff), we often aren’t even able to pinpoint what from our past that makes it hit home.
(By the way, sometimes triggers don’t create a massive, disproportionate, explosive reaction. They create a massively flat / shut-down underreaction, which can be just as damaging in the long run)
Our emotional over- or under-reactions are a gauge. They tell us to pay more attention to something within us. Almost always, overreactions reveal a core value from our past — a “I’m never going to let this happen again” moment — that may or may not still be useful for us in the present day. They’re precious clues to our inner world. Pay attention to them. Be curious about them. Learn from them, which brings us to our next point.
GROWTH: Our emotions are an invitation to grow closer to God
Now that we’re curious about what’s behind our emotions, we can focus on what God might be asking us through these emotions? What would it look like if every time we felt big emotions, we gave them to God? God, here’s my big pile of emotions, show me what I’m supposed to do with all this!
Here’s a few questions to ask and declarations that could harness that pile into growing closer to God.
| Emotion | Questions and declarations |
|---|---|
| Happiness | Is this simply an opportunity to worship You for Your goodness? Is this a good dad allowing me to unwrap one of His gifts to me today? |
| Sadness | God knows better than I do. We share in the Father’s deep sadness about the fallenness. and sin of man |
| Anger | Is there someone I need to help or advocate for more strongly? Is there an injustice or evil I see that I’ve let slide too much? God, how do I express this anger in a constructive way? |
| Anxiety | Am I avoiding something I know I should do? Am I hiding a sin but am in denial? Am I not surrendering something? (h/t Junior Ziegler) |
| Surprise | God, help me remember that I’m not God, I’m not in charge, You are. And you’re good. You know way better than me. |
| Fear | Evil is real, but isn’t God bigger than any evil I will ever face? Is He good and does He have my back? |
GLUE: Our emotions connect us more deeply with one another.
God commands us to be empathetic: rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). He wants us to feel what others are feeling. Empathy is the godly glue that connects us. We experience and manifest a deep truth: we are emotional beings because fundamentally, we are connected, relational beings. We are relational beings because we are created in the image of a relational God.
Most of us get this innately; the hard part is to apply the right amount of glue.
Too much glue and now we over-identify with other’s emotions (co-dependence). Often “too much empathy” towards someone means ignoring or stepping on others — I’ve seen too much of this in our society where we adopt a flavor-of-the-month group that is marginalized, over-empathize, idolize them as heroes, and stomp on everyone else who doesn’t also see them as heroes. Please don’t get me wrong – we need to walk with the marginalized — more than anyone!! — but tragically, too many people do so in a way that it’s more about their own pain of being marginalized, rather than actually helping those left behind.
Too little glue and we’re on a path of isolation, chronic conflict, and a lack of trust. So many hard conversations and relationships in this world would be drastically improved if we simply started by listening and empathizing — even if we disagree with their beliefs. Starting with, “wow, that sounds hard” or “I hear you on this,” can change the entire trajectory of a conversation, even a friendship.
Too little or too much glue: both of these people are so easy for the devil to pick off and to sabotage from our mission. Don’t fall for it.
I’m a real party pooper, aren’t I? Too much, too little, just enough, okay, folks? 🙂 The point is to connect with people — authentically, deeply, personally and individually. This is one of God’s most precious gifts to us — that we get to do this thing called life glued to others. I can’t imagine a good life without this glue!
GALVANIZER: Our emotions move us towards action.
For both anxiety and anger, two of the most “negative” emotions, God is simply giving us energy. We can use that energy destructively, hurting ourselves and our loved ones. Or we can use that energy constructively, becoming more like Him.
Why would God give us the ability to get angry? Maybe anger spurs on a positive destructive force against injustice and a protective force for others who need it. That’s godly anger. Get angry that children are being trafficked for money. Get angry when the rich walk over the poor. Get angry when things aren’t as they should be, and no one seems to care.
Anger is a tricky one because righteous anger unfelt, unexpressed, un-acted-upon will often burn our souls, compelling us to destroy something or someone. And yet, anger needs guardrails to be properly and constructively expressed.
The same actually goes for anxiety. Anxiety, like anger, isn’t a “sin” in and of itself. Anxiety is energy, often to hyperfocus on something (props to Junior Ziegler). To solve a problem, figure something out. It’s great to direct that energy productively towards finding God’s solutions and finding God. But if that energy gets hijacked — I’ve been here — that hyperfocus becomes an inescapable trap whereby I can’t think of anything else. My worry spins out of control with paranoia in the worst case scenarios. I oversolve, overthink, overcontrol, spin, spiral on something that’s not mine to control. (How I dealt with the worst anxiety of my life)
Anxiety, like anger, is energy that absolutely must go somewhere. So, leverage it for good.
Instead of pondering worst-case scenarios or stewing on something unjust, we can harness our emotions into the courageous, godly action that we want to see in the world — we can create a plan of action, make a list of people we want to rally to the cause, write a letter of advocacy to someone in power to give voice to the voiceless, pray for those who have unfairly been left behind, join a ministry that is fueled by the same energy, become awesome at “speaking the truth in love,” and maybe most importantly, go glue yourself to one person who’s suffered from the injustice.
If you’re mad for reading this post and not getting anything out of it or angrily disagreeing with something, you’re welcome, I just gave you another opportunity to grow :).
Every emotion we feel can draw us closer to God and His truth, or pull us farther away. Don’t demonize emotions, but don’t idolize them either. Emotions are great as a gauge to check in, a growth invitation, glue to connect with others, and a galvanizer to good action.
Questions for reflection:
- GAUGE: Think back to the last time you over-reacted to something small. What did you feel? And why do you think you over-reacted?
- GROWTH: Is there a pattern in your life where a certain emotion surfaces a lot? When you encounter that again, what are the typical scripts and questions that flood you? What questions and scripts can you prepare in advance so that those emotions draw you closer to God?
- GLUE: Are you an overgluer or an undergluer (or both :)? What’s one step you could take to be a perfect glue gun?
- GALVINIZER: Particularly with anger or anxiety, are there good actions for you to take so that energy is harnessed constructively?
- (John 11:35) (Luke 19:41)(Matthew 26:38)(Mark 3:5)(John 2:13-17)(Matthew 9:36)(Mark 10:21)(Matthew 26:37-38)(Luke 10:21) ↩︎